I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.
– Romans 7:15
I think it’d be a lot easier to be a Christian if my actions just automatically aligned with my will.
I sincerely want to be a good person. A person who is not just kind, but is a force for good. Someone who can be counted on to follow through on his word. Who actively puts others’ needs in front of his own.
Seriously. Those are things I want.
Or, maybe, more accurately, those are things I want to want.
Because, in reality, the way that I live my life is informed very little by those wants.
Rather than spend my free time improving the world, I flip on the TV and XBox 360, wasting hours on mindless, fruitless improvements to virtual worlds.
Rather than take the time to write reasoned, deepish (let’s not pretend I have the capacity for profundity) blog posts, I tweet shallow, inane, quasi-humorous statements.
And rather than actively engage in a community of like-minded disciples, I find or manufacture reasons to not get plugged in or even attend.
For me, the worst part of being a Christian isn’t “giving up” sinful activities – it’s knowing that there is such a divide between what I do and I want to do. The good news, is that the best part of being a Christian is knowing grace ensures that divide doesn’t change the way God feels about me in the slightest.
NOTE: Sorry for not blogging more. One of the things I want to do is write more. We’ll see if that happens.