My new venture


fast_foodI’m going to open a fast-food restaurant, which will, hopefully, be so amazing, that I’ll be able to franchise the model out, get covered in major fast-food publications and be invited to speak at fast-food-related conferences.

What really is going to push me over the top is my tagline: The fast food restaurant for people who don’t like fast food restaurants.

You see, we’re going to be different than all those other guys.

The first thing you’ll notice is that we won’t use the traditional molded-plastic seats. Nope, we’re going to use padded chairs that can be shuffled around and rearranged at will. Then, you’ll probably see that everybody is dressed however they feel comfortable – assuming, of course, that this means they’re wearing jeans and t-shirts. Finally, the first impression will wrap up with our promotional posters for upcoming food features. Rather than using traditional graphics to display our information, we’re going to purchase pre-designed posters and get a college intern to add our information to them.

Once you actually get ready to order, you’ll find that the overall process is identical to other fast food restaurants, but ours will feel much more relevant and edgy. Our cashiers will be casually dressed and carry iPhones. They’ll greet you with a high-five and enthusiastically ask if you’re ready to order up some food. As you peruse our menu, you’ll find that ultimately, our products are the same, but they’ve got far cooler names, like “The Crisp” (our fried chicken sandwich), “No-Mo-Moo” (our take on the Quarter Pounder) and “Swell*” (our version of the Happy Meal).

After placing your order, you might discover that we’re not perfect – no restaurant is – and we didn’t give you exactly what you ordered. We’re just trying our best and we’re honest about when we screw up.

The actual meal will probably be similar to other meals from other restaurants, but you won’t be bored and you will probably be more full.

Once your meal is complete, you’ll throw your stuff away and leave with the knowledge that you just experienced a fast-food revolution.

What do you think? Will my restaurant be successful?

*please note the double-meaning of the word “swell” – I was quite proud of that one.

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  1. September 10, 2009 at 7:06 am — Reply

    I think it could work, due to its resemblance of political campaigns. Go with what motivates your base, but be just edgy enough to catch the fringe. Sidebar: I think high-fives should be mandatory at any eating establishment; barring the individuals preparing your food obviously.

  2. September 10, 2009 at 4:54 pm — Reply

    I think you’re onto something here… but I see one problem.

    I don’t know if it can be a franchise. Most places like this that I’ve seen are “non-franchis-ational.”


  3. Jen
    September 28, 2009 at 9:14 am — Reply

    I thought this entire post was sarcastic, but then I read, “You won’t be bored and you will probably be more full.” So, that is a good thing, no?

    I think your analogy would hold up better if it was a health food restaurant for those who don’t like healthy food. As in, you are taking in something that is ultimately very good for you, but for some reason you are normally repulsed by the process of getting this food (maybe you don’t fit in down at Country Club Restaurant where you would normally have to go to get it), so we’ll make it easier for you. Is that such a bad thing?

    Unless part of your point was that fact that it is fast food i.e. not healthy or whole? If that is the case, then what is the healthy food? Maybe I am reading into things too much here…. (I tend to do that) Then again, you did file this in the category “church,” which just begs for me to interpret…

  4. September 28, 2009 at 9:21 am — Reply

    Jen, I think you’re right – health food would be better than fast food. I didn’t really think about the implications of my analogy choice (which is not uncommon, sadly).

    I was trying to be sarcastic, and it’s funny, because that sentence that you pointed out was one that I hesitated to write as it really is a good thing. It does seem like a restaurant would have a hard time making that claim, so I went ahead and wrote it.

    I don’t think that this type of positioning is very compelling regardless of the product or service and that’s really what I was trying to drive home.

  5. Jen
    September 28, 2009 at 10:19 am — Reply

    Hmmm, okay. What type of positioning would you advocate?

  6. September 28, 2009 at 10:47 am — Reply

    A “who we are” or “what we stand for” position. I think leading with the negative is ineffective, and particularly so when you’re not that different from what you’re positioning yourself against.

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My new venture