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“I’ll go ahead and sign you up”

The other night, I was sitting at home, getting amped for the Lost season premiere. I saw “American Media” pop up on the bottom of the screen, on Cox Cable’s new TV-caller ID service (which DirecTV had years ago). This wasn’t the first time it had done that, so I decided to go ahead and answer it this time. Below is an almost accurate transcript of our phone call.

American Media: Todd Ramsey?

Me: Yes, this is Todd.

AM: Hello, I’m calling about your Men’s Fitness subscription renewal. (NOTE: Yes, I do get Men’s Fitness. No, it hasn’t greatly impacted my abs, diet or exercise routines.) I want to let you know about our 86% discount off of the cover price.

Me: Oh, I’m not interested in renewing the subscription this year. Thanks.

AM: Oh really? That surprises me, because you’ve been such a valued customer (I haven’t). And this is such a great deal (it wasn’t). But since you’re such a valued customer, I’m going to go ahead and get you signed up for a year’s subscription.

Me: No, I don’t want the subscription. I just said that.

AM: Oh, really? Well, thank you for being a valued custo-

Me: Click. (I didn’t say “click,” I hung up the phone. And I didn’t really hang it up, I just pressed “Talk,” so it was more like “Beep.”

I wonder how many times that sales “tactic” – doing the exact opposite of what a customer asks – has worked?

American Media, if you read the Internets, and you stumble across my blog, you’re going to have to give me some* free subscriptions before I’ll ever consider answering the phone when you call again. Seriously.

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*”Some” is greater than or equal to three free subscriptions.

3 CommentsLeave a Comment


  • Reply

    Jarrett Green

    6 years ago

    You’re the worst valued customer, ever. How does one quantify the ‘value’ of someone who subscribes to a magazine? Does paying $16 and then getting the mail everyday get you on the ‘valued’ list?

  • Reply

    lkelly

    5 years ago

    I’ve gotta agree w/Jarret: You’re the worst! How could you, a valued customer, turn down the priviledge of continuing to pay for something that has so little impact on your life? I mean, come on, the magazine VALUES YOU! Didn’t you hear the random caller tell you that? Sheesh. Next, you won’t be buying siding and replacement windows over the phone!!

  • Reply

    Jarrett Green

    5 years ago

    “Next, you won’t be buying siding and replacement windows over the phone!!”

    If that happens Todd, you can forget ever having juice with me ever again…ever.

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