“I’ll go ahead and sign you up”


The other night, I was sitting at home, getting amped for the Lost season premiere. I saw “American Media” pop up on the bottom of the screen, on Cox Cable’s new TV-caller ID service (which DirecTV had years ago). This wasn’t the first time it had done that, so I decided to go ahead and answer it this time. Below is an almost accurate transcript of our phone call.

American Media: Todd Ramsey?

Me: Yes, this is Todd.

AM: Hello, I’m calling about your Men’s Fitness subscription renewal. (NOTE: Yes, I do get Men’s Fitness. No, it hasn’t greatly impacted my abs, diet or exercise routines.) I want to let you know about our 86% discount off of the cover price.

Me: Oh, I’m not interested in renewing the subscription this year. Thanks.

AM: Oh really? That surprises me, because you’ve been such a valued customer (I haven’t). And this is such a great deal (it wasn’t). But since you’re such a valued customer, I’m going to go ahead and get you signed up for a year’s subscription.

Me: No, I don’t want the subscription. I just said that.

AM: Oh, really? Well, thank you for being a valued custo-

Me: Click. (I didn’t say “click,” I hung up the phone. And I didn’t really hang it up, I just pressed “Talk,” so it was more like “Beep.”

I wonder how many times that sales “tactic” – doing the exact opposite of what a customer asks – has worked?

American Media, if you read the Internets, and you stumble across my blog, you’re going to have to give me some* free subscriptions before I’ll ever consider answering the phone when you call again. Seriously.


*”Some” is greater than or equal to three free subscriptions.

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  1. January 24, 2009 at 10:42 pm — Reply

    You’re the worst valued customer, ever. How does one quantify the ‘value’ of someone who subscribes to a magazine? Does paying $16 and then getting the mail everyday get you on the ‘valued’ list?

  2. lkelly
    February 3, 2009 at 3:27 pm — Reply

    I’ve gotta agree w/Jarret: You’re the worst! How could you, a valued customer, turn down the priviledge of continuing to pay for something that has so little impact on your life? I mean, come on, the magazine VALUES YOU! Didn’t you hear the random caller tell you that? Sheesh. Next, you won’t be buying siding and replacement windows over the phone!!

  3. February 4, 2009 at 11:43 pm — Reply

    “Next, you won’t be buying siding and replacement windows over the phone!!”

    If that happens Todd, you can forget ever having juice with me ever again…ever.

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“I’ll go ahead and sign you up”