Worst. Fortune. Ever

Todd

So, as you can probably tell from the title, I got the worst fortune ever in my Chinese lunch today:

Really?

Why is this the worst fortune ever? Let me share.

1.) This isn’t a fortune. Now, there are countless “fortunes” out there that make this grammatical error, but in order for something to be classified as a “fortune,” I believe it must predict something that is going to be happening in the future and a rough time frame for said occurrence. For example, “You will be pretty in the coming days” is an acceptable (and likely true) fortune.

2.) How do they know I’m pretty? They’re right, but what if the man serving me my sweet and sour chicken had instead handed my “fortune” cookie to a less attractive member of our society? How would they respond? Would they believe the cookie? Would they feel the cookie was mocking their less-than-stellar appearance? Would they be flattered? Obviously, this fortune raises some serious issues. If the cookie was believed or flattering, there would be little impetus to improve one’s appearance if necessary. If the cookie was interpreted as mocking it could cause some serious legal issues should one wish to pursue a claim.

3.) This cookie is sexist. And I don’t mean this in the good way — as in “I’m so hot, I’m making the cookie sexist.” No, this cookie assumed, based on the adjective it proudly displays, that I would be a woman. I’m sure demographic research is neglected when determining which “fortunes” are and aren’t appropriate to be folded into cookies, but I think that using a feminine descriptor is a risk that fortune cookie companies should be hesitant to shoulder as my rough research shows that an equal number of men purchase Chinese food as women.

So, anything exciting happen with your lunch? Have you received a worse “fortune” in a cookie?
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6 Comments

  1. September 10, 2007 at 7:38 pm — Reply

    Ha ha! Great post.

    I ALWAYS get hosed with fortune cookies. Actually, I usually get proverb cookies.

  2. September 11, 2007 at 4:56 pm — Reply

    I am so with you on the fact that that is NOT a FORTUNE. That drives me nuts. If you’re going to subscribe to an false method of divination, at least get the grammar right.

  3. September 11, 2007 at 5:45 pm — Reply

    A “false” method of divination? May I inquire as to the nature of a “true” method of divination (I’d like to win the lottery, you see)?

  4. September 11, 2007 at 11:37 pm — Reply

    Well you did get smiley faces.

    I ate at Carl’s Jr. so I didn’t get any fortune, just guacamole on my hands.

  5. September 12, 2007 at 12:20 am — Reply

    Maybe it originally meant something awesome in Mandarin but lost its gusto in translation…

  6. kristin
    September 12, 2007 at 4:31 pm — Reply

    Just add the phrase “in the bathtub” to the end of this and it still isnt a fortune but at least its funny.

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Worst. Fortune. Ever